“Whoever you are, no matter how lonely,
the world offers itself to your imagination,
calls to you like the wild geese, harsh and exciting —
over and over announcing your place
in the family of things.”—Mary Oliver
truely, no. i just want the reassurance that i will get it one day. there are just so many things i want to accomplish first. i feel that only after i do such things, i will have cultivated the maturity and life experience to really gauge both who i am as an adult and a more defined idea of what i want out of life. ”who the hell am i?” is such a deafening question right now (for me, it probably won’t ever go away). so how is it possible to answer, “who am i supposed to be with?”
and honestly? i feel my brain sometimes throws glances at the idea that maybe romance isn’t in the cards for me, and i’d be ok with that if i wasn’t conditioned to believe (and do believe it) that nothing else would be as fulfilling or effective in terms of extinguishing that particular loneliness. and what if said loneliness is simply a figment of my imagination produced by the aforementioned conditioning? and that maybe, in a dream world if i have never been conditioned, that loneliness would not even exist?
this is going nowhere. but let me add…
it’s not something i frequently think about (^for obvious reasons^), especially in comparison to most girls, but it’s in those quiet moments on those random days when i do realize that it’s there.
sitting here listening to a remix of mogwai’s fear satan only inebriates these dusty hopes.
"It may, after all, be the bad habit of creative talents to invest themselves in pathological extremes that yield remarkable insights but no durable way of life for those who cannot translate their psychic wounds into significant art or thought."
sometimes i wonder if self-doubt for me is like booze for alcoholics.
one drink means ten more.
the absence of knowledge can be a real ball buster sometimes. sometimes as in today.
slowreader is so perfect to listen to with how i’ve felt all day.